Montag, 24. Dezember 2007

An die Freude... excerpts

Freude heißt die starke Feder
In der ewigen Natur.
Freude, Freude treibt die Räder
In der Großen Weltenuhr.
Blumen lockt sie aus den Keimen,
Sonnen aus dem Firmament,
Sphären rollt sie in den Räumen,
Die des Sehers Rohr nicht kennt.
[...]
Aus der Wahrheit Feuerspiegel
Lächelt sie den Forscher an.
Zu der Tugend steilem Hügel
Leitet sie des Dulders Bahn.
Auf des Glaubens Sonnenberge
Sieht man ihre Fahnen wehn,
Durch den Riß gesprengter Särge
Sie im Chor der Engel stehn.
[...]
Freude sprudelt in Pokalen,
In der Traube goldnem Blut
Trinken Sanftmut Kannibalen,
Die Verzweiflung Heldenmut--
Brüder, fliegt von euren Sitzen,
Wenn der volle Römer kreist,
Laßt den Schaum zum Himmel spritzen:
Dieses Glas dem guten Geist.
Chor.
Den der Sterne Wirbel loben,
Den des Seraphs Hymne preist,
Dieses Glas dem guten Geist
Überm Sternenzelt dort oben!

-----------------------

"Joy, in Nature's wide dominion, Mightiest cause of all is found; And 'tis joy that moves the pinion When the wheel of time goes round."

Samstag, 15. Dezember 2007

daisy chains

A fairly good last week. Yesterday was tango, and it was quite enjoyable, I think I've improved a lot and have an easier time dancing on my toes and balancing, also had skilled partners. In tango there are no mistakes, only misunderstandings. I managed my first apology communicated through dance, and it was understood, I think. Somehow easier to let someone else lead, to yield these days. That was the problem before, I could not give up control. I would move faster than my partner and could/would not follow well. But last night I went into it thinking I would try to trust more, and it seemed to have worked, a sort of miraculous breakthrough. A lot of tango is also about being in the moment and there's certainly a zen to it. Would love to go see it in situ in Buenos Aires at some point, though I doubt that there's much of a queer tango scene there. Have heard only good things about that scale in P-town.

Found a Schubert-Mahler cd of "Der Tod und das Maedchen" and have been listening to it along with Breakdown by M. Etheridge, exciting indeed. Also, Tomb Raider, the Cradle of Life... which I've not seen, have only seen the first Lara Croft but it was great stuff which inspired me for a good month. Hooray for Half Price Books. Could also accomplish some christmas shopping these days.


I've also been thinking about daisies. Gansebluemchen auf Deutsch, margarita en espanol.



It's called the flower of innocence, but if there's really no such thing as innocence, or if redeemed innocence is only wishful thinking, then I would call it something else.... like the flower of ambiguity. I think this idea goes well with the "she loves me, she loves me not..." daisy. An everyday thing which for everyone is experienced differently. Also a flower symbolizing fidelity.... the question is whether ideas of fidelity and ambiguity can be combined. Able to trust something to be ambiguous, to give neither a yay or nay, neither hallo nor goodbye.... but to continually defer to the hazy future or cloudy past, thus putting both in the present, just being or being with. In this way I think the daisy is a good mediator of horizons, much better at that than flowers (blue ones) with a self-declared impossibility built into them. I do think that ambiguity is at times necessary for growth.

The 68er Studentenbewegung said, "farb die blaue Blumen rot" and the Wandervogel group was infamous for transgressive relationships-- the urge to turn blue flowers red-- bloody, passionate, (real?) I think is a natural urge. But I think it's a greater challenge to trade in white flowers instead... to be able to experience and exist in a state of calm within a state of ambiguity, where the horizons are both recognized and claimed... not entirely withheld and out of reach-- nor, a wild-goose chase-- but not entirely an automatic given either. Or maybe what it translates into is a form of being present and channeling wind productively. Von klein bis gross.


And sometimes daisies are simply daisies, sweet, small, and fun to scatter about, in an "Oh, whoopsy-daisy, have I accidentally dropped my innocence at your door.." sort of way. At which point I can't help but think of pentheselia chaining/fastening up her lover with flowers....

Off to find a margarita & then to celestial greetings tomorrow.

Montag, 10. Dezember 2007

nordic heritage museum

This past weekend, I visited the Nordic Heritage Museum. Though much of it is geared towards children, there are some very interesting parts.

Each Nordic country has its own room: Finnish, Swedish, Danish, Norwegian, Icelandic.
These featured handicrafts and outfits, Rosemaling designs, lace-making, spinning, etc. The Norwegian room had a small section on Ibsen, and there was also a larger section all about skis and skiing, and telemarking. Also a model sauna and fake bread. I loved the reindeer and the different sorts of shoes, especially the ones with the upcurved ends so that they would keep the shoe on the ski.

I learned some good things-- a lot of it covered immigration to the U.S., arrival in NYC, and what people of Nordic heritage did after moving to the pacific northwest; aside from fishing and logging, there was Nordstrom, whose first store was actually a shoe store, and also the origins of Swedish Hospital. The exhibits also followed ideas of national heritage after immigration.

Because it's the holiday season, the St. Lucia tradition is also featured in the Swedish room. I think that more might have been done with Norse mythology and to discuss different religions, but there were some small sections throughout, and lots of boats all over the place. I think they might have also done a bit more showing the wilderness and ideas about nature.

A small taste of it. My mom's mom was swedish, norwegian and french, but don't know much more about these roots.

Samstag, 8. Dezember 2007

Nikolaustag, cancer

Nikolaustag the other day, Dec. 5 & 6. Reflexively, polished three pairs of shoes and left them by my balcony door to dry. Had extra coal and lighting fluid on the balcony from my former roomie and his former roomie before me; we've not now got a barbecue. The people under us do, though. I put the coal and lighter fluid into a bag and used a cable to drop them onto the balcony below us. I hope that they did not associate it with Nikolaustag, however, I'm 99% sure they're americans.Attended a lecture, interesting and very Harawayesque. Have missed lectures like that. Also went to say goodbye before leaving the city. Got out of work late and arrived a bit late. What I had not anticipated was the way my heartbeat accelerated as I parked and entered the building and sat down, and proceeded to beat quickly and nervously as the lecture progressed so that I could not concentrate well, though it was an interesting lecture. That strange feeling when one's hands go cold and numb and one can feel the blood leaving one's face. I guess it was what I would call awkward for me personally. Finally was able to give the game "wer wird millionar" to people who can use it better than I; I found it in a small south German town while on a road trip over spring break to Austria and Germany, and thought of the German club at my former U. when I bought it. I talked to all of two people before leaving, not much of a goodbye; the person I gave the game to looked a bit surprised to see me there, didn't seem to want to talk to me.

Otherwise, working, working on moving, etc. Another thing, I had this very favorite highschool teacher. Taught English and Greek mythology. Amazing & inspiring, & simply brilliant. One of the highschool teachers where you wonder why they had chosen to teach highschool, of all things, and why they weren't at a university or writing books, because they're clearly exceptional. When I was in my second year of college, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I remember how difficult that was for me to come to terms with; I had wanted to be there to support her and felt so powerless. She was what I would call a soul mother, there before and while I was coming out of the closet and preparing for college, and as I broke away from my family and into my interests & literature. She had gone to an all-womens' college and really inspired me to find my place at one of them and to study the Greek & Roman classics, among other things. She ultimately survived and recovered from breast cancer. That was about 9 years ago that she was first diagnosed and I didn't know really how to handle it, but it pulled at the heartstrings. I've seen her a few times since then, and we've reconnected a little. I think when it happened, life suddenly seemed so much more to be about survival. She had made such a tremendous impact on me when I was her student, woke me up in so many ways to myself and to literature.Now the cancer has returned and she's still fucking teaching while undergoing chemo. I still want to save her, and I can't. I didn't know I could still be so affected by it. Puts so many other things into perspective. My distant relative in Germany, the husband of one of my distant relatives, rather, -- both of them came to see me there, and I visited them for a christmas as well-- is also battling cancer in hamburg and it sounds so hard. Life's not fair.

In other news, got my ticket to Pagliacci the opera today. Opening night. That will probably be the last thing I do here of note before moving.