daisy chains

A fairly good last week. Yesterday was tango, and it was quite enjoyable, I think I've improved a lot and have an easier time dancing on my toes and balancing, also had skilled partners. In tango there are no mistakes, only misunderstandings. I managed my first apology communicated through dance, and it was understood, I think. Somehow easier to let someone else lead, to yield these days. That was the problem before, I could not give up control. I would move faster than my partner and could/would not follow well. But last night I went into it thinking I would try to trust more, and it seemed to have worked, a sort of miraculous breakthrough. A lot of tango is also about being in the moment and there's certainly a zen to it. Would love to go see it in situ in Buenos Aires at some point, though I doubt that there's much of a queer tango scene there. Have heard only good things about that scale in P-town.

Found a Schubert-Mahler cd of "Der Tod und das Maedchen" and have been listening to it along with Breakdown by M. Etheridge, exciting indeed. Also, Tomb Raider, the Cradle of Life... which I've not seen, have only seen the first Lara Croft but it was great stuff which inspired me for a good month. Hooray for Half Price Books. Could also accomplish some christmas shopping these days.

I've also been thinking about daisies. Gansebluemchen auf Deutsch, margarita en espanol.

It's called the flower of innocence, but if there's really no such thing as innocence, or if redeemed innocence is only wishful thinking, then I would call it something else.... like the flower of ambiguity. I think this idea goes well with the "she loves me, she loves me not..." daisy. An everyday thing which for everyone is experienced differently. Also a flower symbolizing fidelity.... the question is whether ideas of fidelity and ambiguity can be combined. Able to trust something to be ambiguous, to give neither a yay or nay, neither hallo nor goodbye.... but to continually defer to the hazy future or cloudy past, thus putting both in the present, just being or being with. In this way I think the daisy is a good mediator of horizons, much better at that than flowers (blue ones) with a self-declared impossibility built into them. I do think that ambiguity is at times necessary for growth.

The 68er Studentenbewegung said, "farb die blaue Blumen rot" and the Wandervogel group was infamous for transgressive relationships-- the urge to turn blue flowers red-- bloody, passionate, (real?) I think is a natural urge. But I think it's a greater challenge to trade in white flowers instead... to be able to experience and exist in a state of calm within a state of ambiguity, where the horizons are both recognized and claimed... not entirely withheld and out of reach-- nor, a wild-goose chase-- but not entirely an automatic given either. Or maybe what it translates into is a form of being present and channeling wind productively. Von klein bis gross.

And sometimes daisies are simply daisies, sweet, small, and fun to scatter about, in an "Oh, whoopsy-daisy, have I accidentally dropped my innocence at your door.." sort of way. At which point I can't help but think of pentheselia chaining/fastening up her lover with flowers....

Off to find a margarita & then to celestial greetings tomorrow.