cloud jumping

exciting last few days.

Rilke, well-done. While I think the work is enough to immerse oneself in on its own and the words wash well over one, the mention of him still reminds me of Adrienne Rich's "Paula Becker to Clara Westhoff." In any event, the reading felt like the right thing at the right time, and I'm not going to try to capture the nuances here, except to say bravo.

I could also hand out a few business cards along the way, and see a few people I knew, good to catch up.

Sometimes one wonders how one ended up where one is, and what one has actually been looking for. I think I had thought I would be taking part in a discourse that was larger than myself when I started here, and perhaps also find some sense of family. That's not really what grad school is about, I have realized. A little numb at some levels still, I think.

Still enganglements.... while in my program, I had gotten out of and then, during my jobhunt, came back into, the habit of mentioning where I did my undergrad. And so someone was asking me about myself and so I said where I'd gone then bit my lip; of course it all comes up again...

[Beginning]
"OH!!!!! Do you know __________ ?"
"um..... well, only tangentally, have only heard good things about ... "
"she's the ______ head there, she came from ______ and we had her as an exchange student, we were her host family! You really don't know her?"
"no, not very well, but have only heard good things-- of course, I was an English major. I do, however know _______ ____, who went here maybe 20 years ago."
"Yes, yes, well you should meet ______ ________ if you don't know her yet. A big figure in the field, and in the program! We were her host family here. Did you have a host family in Germany?"
"no, but you meet people along the way. Did you have other foreign students stay with you too? that's a great thing to do, especially if you have kids."
"Yes, lots, from everywhere. You mean you had to find your own place to live in Germany and everything?"
"yes, but one learns a lot." (no! there is nobody watching out for one over there! nobody gives a damn about grad students! but you seem nice, and I should give you my business card just in case.) "here's my business card in case you know anyone who is looking for someone like me."
[End]

I had almost forgotten or blocked out being simply hit over the head with one person at every turn, to the point where I felt harassed I can only now believe I never really knew. Now, everything is better for me.
Anyway.....
an enjoyable evening and then went tango dancing.

Good job interviews these days. I've learned to look at the company as a whole in some cases more than just the position, because it seems like one can really move around over time.

Didn't do jalapenos this weekend because was busy inhaling some culture with the most wonderful new pal, the queer filmfest- spiderlilies, about a tattoo artist and earthquake, was pretty bad, and one called crash pad with some of the absolutely worst lesbian sex I've seen in my life. but there's a vibrant and glorious theatre scene here I hadn't discovered before, and lovely to get out and to begin to have more of the sort of life I want, neat how good company can magnify everything; the good places and good productions seem even better, the not so good ones seem worse. had not realized how hard it can be to make friends here, but it indeed can be, and having made some new ones recently has been gratifying and lovely.